Why Does God Keep Me Waiting?

Like thousands of people across America, my birthday happened to be during quarantine this year. Shopping for gifts would be considered nonessential, so orders and packages were my lot. I love receiving mail, but only days after my gifts were ordered, shipping warehouses across the country closed down for months on end. Today, months after my birthday came and went, I finally received my gifts in the mail. I was exuberant to see the quality of what my family had ordered, and I made a remark that stuck out to me: "This gift was definitely worth waiting for". 

Just earlier this week, I was struggling with oppressive and depressive thoughts all centered on that one idea: waiting. I was frustrated because I could not justify the trials I recently endured. I wanted to believe God loved me, but I could not understand why He would allow me to suffer. I wanted to look towards the future with excitement, but I only felt apprehension, wondering when I would have to suffer again. In the midst of all those thoughts, God gave me one answer: 
"I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."--Psalms 27:13-14
I wanted reassurance that He loves me. I wanted to hear He had a perfect plan. I wanted to hear that He never wanted my pain and that He would prevent me from ever feeling like that again, but instead, I was told to wait. 

What God sees in waiting, I cannot see. But, what I gain from waiting is evident--every day lived in the waiting is a day on the sea-top with God. Every trial and every blessing is a tool in God's hand, used to shape us. Each moment of life we cannot control is a moment of faith in Him. In those moment, we, like Peter, walk out on the water with God--the master of waiting. 

Of all beings known to man, God has waited the longest. He is eternal, and we cannot comprehend His existence before ours. But, we can see His waiting in our history. In His attribute of long-suffering, we see His patience with us. He waited to send the flood; He waited to send salvation; He waits to send the rapture. In his omniscient mind, He knows the perfect time, and He has always abided by it. 

Waiting is a two-fold gift. Not only do we experience a small infinity alone with God in the waiting, but we are blessed by God at the waiting's end. When I saw the gift I had waited so long for, I was pleased to find how ideal it was. When we step out of waiting one day to find a blessing on our doorstep, it will be exactly what we wanted. Odd note is: it might not be what we wanted before the waiting. 

Our goal as children of God is to know Him and love Him as intimately as possible. Waiting is God's way of getting our attention. Maybe we should stop seeing it as detention and start seeing it as vacation. God is not pulling us from the game; He is pulling us to Him. 

Sometimes, when infants try to sleep, they agitate and waken themselves or they paw at their face and scratch themselves unintentionally. To protect the child and give them the best rest possible, we swaddle the child tightly, keeping them immobile and secure. Maybe what we see as God stripping us and disarming us, is only His work of swaddling us up in His omnipotent care. If we have faith to walk with God; we have faith to wait with Him. 

If you want to walk on water, you have to stop treading it. Maybe it is time we stop fretting the leap of faith and start enjoying the rest of faith.  


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