Let it me sit and rest here, cast out and forsaken for a little time. Let me exhale and expire, and let me collapse down to how small I really am. Let me cradle on my side, burrowing my hand and my feet into the cold sand. Let me breathe in the grit of the earth as the sea spray spurns me. Let me rest under the hazy seaside sun, toweled-over by the crisp sea-born breeze.
Here I will be small, winded, and shivering. Here I will sleep.
But when I wake, the long cold night leaving me stiff and aching, my hiding place has changed.
The water is calm like glass; the tide muted and easy as it glides to shore. The sun is warm and soft, hidden and amplified in glow by a gauzy shroud of faded clouds. The sand is warm against my gelid skin, my eyelashes beaded with sandy crystals like snow flakes in my vision. And in my ear is the sound of welcome, a wooden crackle, and on my face is the warmth I am just now beginning to feel.
When I raise my head, sand showering down out of my unkempt hair, I see Him sitting just beside me.
And He picks me up, like one might pick up something that has fallen and broken. He wraps me up a thick warmed blanket, pulling every part of me in closer to Him. Taking my hands in His, He pulls them close to my chest, and wraps His arms around me. In one final gesture, He takes his open hand and presses my head back against his chest. He holds me there, holds me all together. Brushing my hair away from my face, and rocking me back and forth ever so slightly.
He is completely still in an inexplicable way. And He is solid. And He is warm. And He is open.
He is completely silent except for His heartbeat.
I listen to it. It is beautiful.
The more I listen to it, the more I feel it resound inside of me.
I know nothing. I have no pretense of bravery or wisdom or skill. I collapsed on this beach for a reason. I fell out of sight and out of mind for a purpose. I walked all this way to fall and to fall asleep.
I had no plans of waking up like this.
I do not know where to go next. I do not know what tomorrow is or will be. And in some way, I feel that I do not know myself and I do not know Him.
But none of that matters.
The sea, and the sun, and the sand no longer matter.
The world is confined to a singular sound. My existence is captivated by a lonely sensation.
I know only His heartbeat.
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